Mija Seeks Utopia: The future needs friends

Yes, we need to solve inequality, govern better, and fix climate change, but we also need to be better at making friends…Hear me out.

Fix one or two or three of the problems above and, generally speaking, we’ll be on our way to a better future.

But lately I’ve been thinking that we don’t really talk about the internal things that have to happen for us actually to enjoy that future.

We don’t really talk about friendship.

P.S. For my Spanish-language readers: Para mis lectores en español, Substack está autotraduciendo mi newsletter a cualquier idioma. ¡Déjenme un comentario si prefieren mi versión bilingüe!

At a 2012 Birthday party, taking pictures of my friends, pre-Instagram, so those pictures are goooooneee.

Friendship, as in that connection that follows us through different phases of our lives, through different versions of who we are and who we become.

For many people living far from home, whether you’re an immigrant or someone who moved cities for work, those friends slowly become family too.

They’re the people who send you memes because something reminded them of you.

The people who think of you when they walk past a store, or a place you both love.

The ones who recommend books, or send you ten-minute voice notes on the way home from work.

They’re the people who tell you what you want to hear, and sometimes what you really don’t want to hear.

Sometimes they know you better than you know yourself.

And if they’re a really good friend, they inspire you to be a better person.

So, naturally, they can make this world… a better one.

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BEZOS DOESN’T OWN FRIENDSHIP

When people talk about fixing the future, we usually imagine revolutions, change that we can see.

But Friendship is one of those invisible things you can’t really point to, except for the fact that the person answers the phone when you call them.

It’s invisible.

But it’s also incredibly tangible. Think about it:

No election is needed for you to make friends.

No billionaire controls your friendships.

No app decides whether your bestie calls you back.

Friendships depend on your willingness to use your time: to make a phone call, to go for a walk, to have dinner together, to write a letter, to send a voice note... and so on.

All those little things create connection.

Sometimes those connections last a lifetime.

And sometimes those connections inspire people to do incredible things because friends support your projects; they show up in the good moments and the bad ones too.

Some of humanity's greatest ideas began as conversations between friends. I mean, nobody really builds anything alone. Not really.

We ALMOST always ask our friends: What do you think? Is this a bad idea? Is this cool? Can you imagine what it would be like if…

It’s how we dream things up together.

So when we think of a better future,

Why don’t we imagine it with a little help from our friends?

(See what I did there? )

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Yes, we need to solve climate change.

Yes, we need to think about AI.

Yes, we need better systems.

But we also need friendship.

We need tables full of conversation, laughter, love.

But before you say, Lory, stop it with the KUMBAYA nonsense,

I have a story to share.

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FRIENDSHIP CAN SAVE US

Once upon a time, my friends saved my life.

They noticed I was depressed before I did, so they called my mom and convinced me to go to therapy. They even threw me a surprise party to remind me that I mattered and that I was loved.

Over fifteen years later, I’d grown apart from many of those friends.

Life happened.

I moved away.

I became an immigrant.

We all became adults, got married, got jobs, moved, had babies. Lived.

Over the years, time and distance slowly turned them into characters from another chapter in the memory book of my life.

Then, a few years ago, I was invited to one of their weddings.

I remember sitting there, realizing how much of their lives I had missed: the inside jokes, the new friends.

I was struck by all the stories I hadn’t been around for.

And even though we never had a falling out and nobody was angry,

Distance, meant that I felt like a stranger in the audience.

I suddenly realized something that was staring me straight in the face.

I realized I had stopped tending to one of the most important relationships in my life.

I let time and distance become more than a reason.

I had somehow let them become an excuse.

So I made a decision.

I wanted to become a better friend.

So I started small: a letter, then a voice note.

I shared little pieces of my life again and asked about theirs.

Slowly, something happened.

We started getting to know each other again.

And somehow those 14-year-old versions of ourselves hanging out in my living room with a digital camera had become women who could share things about a new phase in our lives: about the people we had become.

That friend bought a house and is starting a family.

And I get to be part of this chapter of her life too.

Maybe not in the same way I was over fifteen years ago.

But in a new way.

And I know this is cliché, but I really want to say: Life is funny like that.

Sometimes we think we’ve lost people forever.

When really, all that’s needed is a phone call, or a letter, or a text.

And sometimes when we feel like it’s the end of the world.

All that’s needed is a friend to hold your hand and help you see things in a different light.

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BETTER FRIENDSHIPS = A BETTER FUTURE

All this to say that this made me realize just how important friendship can be for a better world.

In fact, of all the issues we have as humans, making friends is one we can work on without asking for billions in donations or waiting for a government to pass a law.

All we have to do is try, try to connect.

Because there is something so invaluable about having someone say:

I care about this… can you?

And having someone on the other side that actually listens.

And maybe that means you find solutions together, or maybe it means you’ve just got something off your chest.

In the grand scheme of things, friendship can change one life.

But if we think about all the friendships in the world, and the choices and decisions, and the influence they make on all our lives…

then maybe it’s not so crazy to think that a better future for all of us can start with just one person calling a friend.

Thanks for reading,

Con cariño,

Lory aka Mija

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If this made you think of a friend, send it to them. Consider it a like... in real life.

Some music on friendship to keep you company this weekend!

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